“I don’t want to feel like this any more.”
That thought pops through my head at least once a day, usually a lot more. It’s not that I’ve slid back into depression and down the hole. It’s that we’re still trying to figure out the delicate balance of drugs.
I was having massive mood swings after I started a Vitamin B-12 and Vitamin D regimen. It was so bad I called my doctor for an appointment and took a half day of work to get in to see her. We cut my Wellbutrin by half. The mood swings stopped. I started sleeping through the night.
But now I feel like I’m having some down days. A lot more of them than I’d like. The good news is I have yet another appointment with my doctor on Friday as we’re closely monitoring the situation.
The problem with mental illness and the medication to treat it is there is a delicate balance. It’s not like taking antibiotics or something where there’s a dose that works for everyone. Each person is different. Every pill works differently for each person, and the slightest change in dosage can alter you completely. And it’s not a “I sneeze more” thing. It’s a “I don’t feel like getting out of bed” or a “I feel like I’m on a moody roller coaster” thing.
I can’t tell you how many pills I’ve had to cut in half over the course of the last year and a half in my latest round of treatment when we’ve looked at changing my dosages. I hate cutting pills, but I do it if it means the right dosage to help.
And it’s most frustrating when you find the right balance and then something happens that causes changes. You’re out of whack and you have to start over again to find the proper balance in your pills so you can better cope with every day life.