My friend Michele is always worth a read when she writes about depression and mental health, as she did again today. She’s been talking about her issues far longer than I’ve had the strength to do so publicly. She actually was part of my inspiration to talk publicly about my issues.
Her article today, though, brought on some haunting feelings about where my life was 10 years ago. I was spiraling out of control, thanks in part due to my exboyfriend. I don’t think he ever realized his mentally abusive behavior (but does any of them), but that’s exactly what he was doing to me. Years of disrespect and trying to change me and belittling me and passive aggressive behavior had built up and pushed me into a hole.
And as the relationship was ending, which could have pushed me all the way to the bottom of the hole, I started to climb out. I don’t know what prompted me to put myself on the path to get right, but I did.
And much like Michele, I’m grateful for where I am today. I may struggle some days and am having problems with finding the right balance in my medication right now, but I am not where I was a decade ago. I don’t feel isolated and alone (OK, there are days I can feel alone, but they’re not as often as they were a decade ago). I feel stronger and better today than I did then.
I’m not perfect, but I’m a better imperfect.